Chapter X: SWORD OF LIGHT

The summer came and with it a powerful channelling in July (already described in Chapter XIII). I decided to visit Findhorn in August. There were just too many signs and synchronicities happening to delay the visit. But August was the busiest time during the Community’s guest season. Would they have room to fit me in? I decided to dowse the answer with a pendulum.1

“Forget the second of August,” it informed me. “Try the ninth.” As it turned out, there was a cancellation for the ninth and I was accepted on the Experience Week that began on that date!

I wasn’t sure if my ageing car could be relied on to manage the 550-mile journey north so I decided to take it in stages. I would drive to Wallingford and spend a few days with friends. From there I would make my way up to Llanidloes, stay overnight, and then continue to Windermere to visit Joan Brown, a devotee of Baba and a sensitive. From the Lake District I guessed that it would not put too much strain on the car or myself to manage the last few hundred miles to Findhorn within a day.

Then Janet asked me to conduct another regression and invited me to stay at her home for a couple of days. One morning I awoke early to hear my inner voice telling me to take my son with me to Findhorn. Then I understood the reason why I had not been able to see myself making the journey by myself. But would the Community cater for a 13-year-old? I rang them that morning and discovered that Jan could be included in the final week of a Youth Programme that was being run at the time. As he was due back from a stay in Denmark I rang his mother and arranged to pick him up on the day of my departure. Everything seemed set for a wonderful adventure.

My last evening in Wallingford was to provide me with a most unusual and powerful experience without which the outcome of our trip might have been very different. I felt very unclear about my future and had asked Janet for a regression. What did Baba have in store for me? What kind of work had I chosen to do during this incarnation? Was it healing or writing or something else? I had learnt that prior to rebirth we prepare a blueprint for the life to come. Janet had agreed to try and help me find my blueprint.

I had developed a heavy cold and wondered if the regression would work in such circumstances. Even though I had regressed twice before the sceptical left brain still doubted if there was anything to be gained from the session. This kind of scepticism, I discovered later, is common enough among even experienced regressees. In the event I needn’t have felt any concern. The regression worked perfectly and again I found myself in Germany.

And, this time I was able to experience that life in very much greater detail than before.

In that life I always found myself as a young German named Heinz. Having been born into a lower middle class family, Heinz had lived in Essen in the Ruhr industrial area of western Germany. His mother had brought up her children as staunch Christians. He had grown up to detest the Nazis, seeing them as no more than gangsters. There had been something strange about them as if they were an alien bacteria which had been imported into Germany in order to ruin everything. Equally, Heinz viewed the Bolsheviks with suspicion. The war came and as a patriotic German duty to country had required him to enlist. But how was patriotism reconciled with allegiance to the Lord? Deep down, Heinz had wrestled with this awful paradox.

He joined the Luftwaffe in the hope of qualifying as a pilot. For he had no wish to kill for Adolf Hitler. At least as a pilot the enemy could be faced on a more equal footing. But, failing flying lessons, he had ended up as an observer/bombardier instead. Fate had given him the most unpleasant job of all of dropping quantities of deadly high explosive over innocent people with whom he had no quarrel and couldn’t hate. But the whole world was caught up in a war where personal choice had little to do with the events which had overtaken everyone. Europe was enshrouded in darkness.

Heinz found himself on leave, drinking with companions in the Essen cafés and bars. The radio played Lili Marlene. There followed a rail journey back to the bomber base somewhere near Essen to the dark olive drab machines in which his squadron would later fly sorties over the Channel.

Came the fateful day. His formation was flying towards London. The flight had been a little bumpy but the sound of the reliable diesel motors felt healthy enough. Everything felt fine apart from the usual queasiness that one felt before the flak began to get heavy as we drew closer to London.

Suddenly the turbulence increased as the formation was being shot at from below. Everywhere there were orange explosions in the sky followed by dirty black smoke. Some flak hit his ‘plane. He felt shrapnel hitting him somewhere below the shoulder. One of the ‘plane’s engines caught fire and the crew were panicking. In an almost detached manner Heinz heard the pilot struggling and shouting to keep the ‘plane going on one engine. He knew he had been hit and was already out of the whole business. He felt himself losing a lot of blood and his body going numb. Beyond all the fear and panic that was going on around him he could only sense an overwhelming sense of relief that for him the war was over and there would be no more bombs to drop. He saw a concerned crew-mate lean over him.

Another huge explosion followed and he saw one of the wingtips fold up in a hail of strafer bullets. As it fell away the stricken aircraft plunged into an uncontrollable dive. Everything inside the cabin was chaos as maps and containers flew around. He could hear the wind shrieking outside as the diving ‘plane increased its uncontrolled velocity in a fatal descent.

Impact with the ground must have caused a tremendous explosion as all the unreleased bombs on board went up, flattening the surrounding buildings as they did so. Heinz found himself standing in rubble, feeling dazed as people ran around with stretchers amongst the clanging din of fire engines and ambulance bells. He was in a strange city wondering how he could have possibly got there. Then he understood. It was his ghost! The end had been so sudden that the conscious mind must have pulled out before the final impact to leave him detachedly reviewing the scene! It seemed funny to be invisible and to be walking around watching the aftermath of his own death. Who was killing whom, after all?


After a while he found himself leaving the earth-plane. He knew there was still a lot of unresolved business. There remained a strong sense of unachieved ambitions. The relief of having escaped Europe’s madness was clouded over by sorrow for what Germany was to go through before Hitler’s goetterdammerung.

Heinz was guided to a point in time about six weeks after dying. There, he found myself before a being of light. In one hand it held a sword and, in the other, the scales of karma. Was it the angel with the fiery sword who guarded Eden — counterpart, perhaps, of the Buddhist Yama Raja and the Egyptian Osiris?2 He began to describe the experience in detail.

“He’s a fiery being and I seem to be in front of him. Actually, he is me. I understand now. He and I are really no different ... What did I learn? What am I to do? I survived the darkness. I did my duty as required ... not with any great enthusiasm ... with great reservations. Now it seems I’m being allowed another chance, another opportunity to go to another life.”

“I don’t know if I want to ... yes, I do ...to see it differently ... to see the world differently. I would like to see the world ... I would like to see the world survive this dreadful time, to be able to live again. But after what we experienced I’m not sure I’m ready to go back yet...”

Thus, I met another aspect of one’s being which lives outside the three dimensional confines of the Earth. Gradually, my mind was being cleared so that I could see my purpose and the way ahead. There remained this strong reluctance to reincarnate. Yet part of me was still earthbound and I could feel the Planet’s gravitational pull drawing me back. I sensed myself beginning to move away from the Place of Light.

“I’m having to go back again ... but I’m not going back as a German ... it’s near India ... Zeilan. It’s a peaceful place near India which is a country of great ... still ... love, gentleness, grace ... very different to Nazi Germany. It’s a nice island. Bit like the Pacific. It’s cooler there, a lovely country, gentle people ... it’s not a bad choice to make.”

I found myself choosing the family into which I would be born. In order to give myself clues to the immediate past (the universe is full of clues concerning our origins). I chose a Christian family with a typically Anglo-Germanic name. And it was clear that the life in Ceylon was to be no more than a brief respite — a short break from the European drama to which I was to return for karmic reasons.

There was still a lot of pain and hate in Europe. I knew that it was necessary to look at that pain and to square up to it.

“I guess I’ve been asking for a holiday from it — even for a little while. But there are things there that remain unresolved ... I’m coming back too soon. I don’t want to come back to this world, really. Isn’t there another choice?”

Beyond the reluctance it remained clear to me that the return was inevitable. There was still so much to be done down there and I knew that I had my part to play. The world was to be healed. But first the old world had to go through the death throes of its past. Somewhere below me I saw a huge mushroom cloud erupt as the atomic bombs were dropped in Japan. What kind of healing was this?

“We are being asked to go back to help heal the world against all these odds! We have been told to have faith, to keep the light going ... not to ask why but just (to) believe that light doesn’t go out ...that the light is growing!?”

I found myself in a classroom of many souls being instructed by angels. The angels were helping us to clear and heal our minds. They reassured us. The world had new problems and all the destruction was part of a planetary clear-up. The angels told us that we had made it through the last time. Now we should go back and carry on.

“The job’s there still to be done and it has to be done by those who came here with unresolved wishes, unresolved business. So here you are. You can go back now. Quick! Almost as if you didn’t die at all!”

Already, great task forces were returning in group incarnations to take the light back in human form so that it could be grounded there. We were to walk on the Earth with the light within us. Beyond the residue of confusion I could see what the future held.

“I must carry on from where I left off. I don’t know what that means but I must go back to where I left off ... perhaps when Europe has recovered from the destruction. Somehow I’m being asked to go back there to help the healing. I cannot walk away from that pain. The birth pangs of a new civilization are everywhere. They touch everyplace ... even this beautiful island (Ceylon). A time of great change. Everywhere is affected because the world is being lifted up into the light. That’s why we are being asked to go back to help this process ... lifting up the world into the light through expanding our consciousness and through our consciousness helping the expansion of others’ to help them recognize what they might have forgotten ... we have to remind people, we have to assure them too that there’s a new world being born ... the world that was promised a long time ago. Now it happens. The time is right...”

(In the Spring of 1959, I had returned to Europe with my family. As our ship had sailed into the harbour at Marseille, its wharves still scarred by the destruction of the war, I recall standing alone facing my landfall, overwhelmed by the sense of an inner destiny being fulfilled).

“...the world is to be planted with trees of light. We are being asked to grow that forest so that the world will lift itself up... it doesn’t matter how the task is done so long as we begin to sow the seeds of light and through it to alter the expansion of consciousness. That’s the main task ... to go back is to know that whatever happens we’re part of a Plan ... all those who choose to go down return to make it live...”

Then, from speaking in the third person, I began to speak in the second, as if someone else was using me as a channel.

“So don’t think that you were left alone. You are going back to keep the Flame — not just in yourself but to help others get through the dark. The whole world is going to be switched on with Light!”

Floating above the Planet I saw a great change take place. From the blackness of the night through which the world had lived came the first light of the dawning Age. Then, in a brief moment, that dawning enveloped the entire Planet. Everything was transformed in a woosh of ethereal white light. The voice resumed speaking through me.

“The whole world is going to be switched on with Light ... you are going back to prepare for that time. You who go back return to a world of miracles. In your time you will see things the like of which no man has ever seen. Humanity has chosen to expand its consciousness back to the stars. It will be!”

Who was this speaking through me with such authority? The being continued:

“Each one of you is guided. Each one of you is protected. Know that loneliness is just the illusion ... that within you, you carry the truth. It can’t go away when you tune into it whenever you wish to or need to. In time -— as your work becomes clearer — you will tune in more clearly. It’s necessary for you all to listen because through you my Plan is served. How can you fear when I am here? How can you fear when you know that I am always with you?”

Then, in that moment, I recognized who spoke through me. It was Sai Baba, the indivisible I AM. Sai was speaking through me! He had taken me over completely and, as I lay on the living-room couch, I could feel his crown of hair on my head and his robes on my body. The Great Architect had possessed me and sent an immense strength surging through my body.

“Go back. Have the courage to go back and serve the Task like a child,” he said.

“Go back in my Name. I protect you. Do my Task. You are protected by an armour and shield of Light. So be my warrior...”

Then, with a Sword of Light, the Lord knighted me as one of his soldiers. He drew on my chest a Cross of Light, saying, “You are now my Knight. Go, Knight ... and help the world return from night into day!”

The pun was, of course, typical of Baba — a giveaway. Never one for pomposity, it might have been his way to transform the solemnity of the moment thus. Then he went on to speak as a loving Mother. “Be gallant, Be gentle. Always speak from the heart. Always search for the Truth within yourself, in the heart. For there you will find me whenever you should need me ... now go and join with all the others ... prepare for the day that comes...”

With that he dispatched me into another incarnation.

Janet guided me back into the present. What a revelation! The Magician who lives within us had revealed to me this amazing possibility. Of course! I had always known, deep down, that in Sai Baba I had found the cosmic Mother-Father, the One Parent, the Final Truth. So what could be more natural than my being taken over, at the Astral level, by him? He had returned me as a Christian but beyond the cultural dualities I knew I was still his child.

Having spent so many years in educating me that the Christos, the Buddha, the Avathar, Godhead was all one he had finally revealed himself, in mortal and Astral form, as Bhagavan. His next lesson was to teach me to go beyond the illusion of form as well.

Step by step, he leads us through the dance to an ultimate state of enlightenment. This experience I had had was so awesomely real. I had never known anything like it. It revealed to me how deeply Baba lived within my psyche. I could feel a dynamo of energy within me. My heavy cold was cured. At last I had seen why I had come to this life and who was helping me along the way. Through Baba’s boundless grace, I had been taken out of my body and beyond time to see the sun rise over our dear Planet in the Age of Aquarius.

We finished the regression at about two o’clock that morning, exhausted but very elated. I knew that I would be taking the road to Scotland with a new-found strength within me.


© RW 1989